This is an honest snapshot of what it’s like to feel like you’re trying to fool everyone. I want to illustrate what goes on in my head when I espouse the benefits of living and the words sound hollow in my own ears. These are the times when I wonder if I’m being a hypocrite—encouraging people to smile, to seek help, to live their best life as their genuine self in a do-no-harm fashion, when the clouds descend and I can’t follow my own advice. It isn’t an easy thing to look at, so I’ve put it all under a Read More tag just in case.
As World Suicide Prevention Day and National Suicide Prevention Week approach, I’ve had a song stuck in my head for a few days, now: Waving Through A Window, from the phenomenal musical Dear Evan Hansen. I’ve enjoyed watching covers of it, and I listened to the entirety of the soundtrack on Spotify after the Tony Awards this year. I can’t remember how it got stuck in my head this time, but I resolved that I just had to learn how to sing it. This, of course, logically meant pulling up the lyrics to follow along.
I’ve gone through a few runs of the song late at night for the past couple of nights, and what manages to seep in deeper are the lyrics, themselves. Beyond the instrumentals and the notes sung, the words dig into me not unlike when my cat kneads a blanket. The more I read over them, the more I find myself relating to the feelings of Evan Hansen, the character in the musical who sings this song.
You know it’s bad when Comedy Central is coming on short on the ability to deliver comedy on a night like this.
You know it’s bad when the people you rely on for laughs are just as afraid as you are.
I can offer no optimism in this pivotal time in our nation’s history.
No matter how this election turns out, this election and its propaganda have divided our nation. We’ve seen sexism, racism, and all sort of other-isms come out in full force, and for a while, I thought we were better than this. I thought that we could embrace a progressive line of thinking, in that we should be able to see human beings as human beings.
History has its eyes on us, and those eyes are witnessing sorrow. It may turn around, but even then…I don’t know. I wasn’t lying when I said I can’t offer much in the way of optimism here.
Save for this: Remember the right to impeach. That may come in handy soon.