Taking the Bad with the Good

Good: I got to spend time with one of my best friends over the weekend. We talked life, wedding planning, and watched Bohemian Rhapsody. I finally found earrings I’d like to wear on my wedding day, and they’ll be here in a couple of days. Today’s weather was sunny and lovely, and not too cold, which was great during work. I have also mapped my first D&D dungeon for a campaign I’m testing out on my mom.

Bad: We let too much time pass, and the videographer we were looking into has committed to someone else’s wedding the day of our own. There’s a tickle in my throat that likely means drainage or a cold is imminent. Also, my future husband was told he won’t be needed as a teacher in the upcoming school year.

And now, the bad seems to eclipse the good as it spirals into uncertainty and too many things to consider in one day.

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Wedding Post #1: Planning, Dresses, & Stresses

Planning a wedding is stressful enough on its own. You have to come up with a plan and follow it to the best of your ability, all the while preparing yourself for the inevitability that not all will go as…well, planned. You must juggle your own likes and dislikes with the preferences and opinions of others, which are often unsolicited (although much helpful advice can emerge from the fog). Compromise is the name of the game and is often a valuable tool in preventing drama from melting over and causing trouble.

When you have anxiety and/or depression, however, issues become gigantic and deadlines loom like never before—even if they haven’t been set in stone yet.

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It Happened at the Vista

7.17.18June 17th, 2018. I wake up to my 9 AM alarm, tired as all get-out. I didn’t sleep well because I kept wondering why my boyfriend wanted me to up so early. I mean, I thought, “Maybe he’s going to propose!” but it had been almost a week since I came up for a visit to the mountains and nothing had happened. Technically, if he was going to ask, he only had that Tuesday to do so; we had a barbecue planned for the next day to celebrate the engagement (you know, the one that hadn’t happened yet). I knew he had asked my parents’ permission when he came to pick me up the week before, but the When, Where, and How he’d ask me were all up in the air. It didn’t help that he had been keeping me in suspense throughout my visit, kept me wondering when I would experience that wonderful moment.

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Job Hunting and Depression

This is a post borne out of frustrating daily job searches, articles that talk about how to pick yourself up and keep going, as well as people who think that saying they’ve been in your position will magic away the depression of it all. In places, it may seem harsh. However, I feel the need to write about what goes on in my head so people can understand what I’m going through, and perhaps dispel a couple of myths along the way.

Family and friends ESPECIALLY: This is for you.

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Recounting Commencement

My mortarboard!

In my last post, I talked about an upcoming commencement ceremony at my university, the one where I would turn my tassel and formally celebrate my Bachelor of Arts (BA) degree. Now, I’m going to tell you how it went.

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It’s Nearly Here!

I’ve said it in much the same way to anyone who will listen for months on end: Although it took eight years, three schools, and one change in my major, I am FINALLY graduating with a bachelor’s degree!

Those numbers are worth noting (and repeating) because it’s so drastically different from my original plan. I graduated from high school in 2010 with the expectation that I’d have a bachelor’s degree in music from the university I’d enrolled in, within three or four years. I anticipated a life fulfilling my purpose as a musician, but Life had a few things to say about that. As a result, I’ve gone back and forth, trudging through and taking successes where I could get them, all to get to Thursday, May 24th, 2018. That is when I will be walking in Commencement with my fellow graduates, with my family, friends, and loved ones watching on. It wasn’t an easy path, but I got there.

I need to write about it because I feel physically ill when I’m excited or anticipating some Great Big Thing, like this upcoming ceremony. I’ll chalk it up to nerves because saying happiness is making me feel sick sounds strange to some. I’m not worried about anything…at least, nothing I can come up with at the moment. As weird as it sounds, I’m looking forward to the ceremony too much. The hyped-up energy is building in me and I have no way to let it out, save for going through Commencement and putting a nice proverbial bow on the whole event. Writing provides some solace, though.

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Why My Brain Sucks 9

Back in #6, I wrote about feeling physically ill when I’m happy about something. Now, I’m going to let you in on another way my brain sucks: it makes me miserable just ahead of something that already sucks.

Allow me to explain.

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