Taking the Bad with the Good

Good: I got to spend time with one of my best friends over the weekend. We talked life, wedding planning, and watched Bohemian Rhapsody. I finally found earrings I’d like to wear on my wedding day, and they’ll be here in a couple of days. Today’s weather was sunny and lovely, and not too cold, which was great during work. I have also mapped my first D&D dungeon for a campaign I’m testing out on my mom.

Bad: We let too much time pass, and the videographer we were looking into has committed to someone else’s wedding the day of our own. There’s a tickle in my throat that likely means drainage or a cold is imminent. Also, my future husband was told he won’t be needed as a teacher in the upcoming school year.

And now, the bad seems to eclipse the good as it spirals into uncertainty and too many things to consider in one day.

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Why My Brain Sucks 8

In a post from last year, titled “I Should Be Happy,” I talked about finishing my undergraduate education and not feeling the familiar giddiness of reaching a goal–of a job well done. I’m here to tell you that feeling has not gone away.

In fact, it’s only gotten worse.

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I Should Be Happy…

Tuesday marked my last day of undergraduate classes. I am on track to graduate this month, and to walk in commencement next May. After seven years, three schools, and two majors, I’m finally going to get a bachelor’s degree. This is something I’ve been waiting for, something I didn’t think would happen since I had to drop out of the first university I went to. When I felt like a failure, I didn’t think I’d ever be in this position, much less in the wake of all the changes I’ve made since then.

And yet…I’m not happy.

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Needs vs. Fears

I have been lazy for the majority of my summer, and on one hand, I don’t regret it. I took on far too much last semester, and I had resolved to make my vacation between semesters as stress-free as possible.

On the other hand, I’ve been lazy for the majority of the summer. I’ve been waking up as late as five-o’-clock in the afternoon for the past few weeks, and I’ve gone through the same routine. I wake up, eat and/or watch YouTube videos, have dinner with my family, then either get straight back into watching videos or playing an MMORPG. I do sometimes add to the fan fiction I talked about in a previous post, but aside from dates with my boyfriend and errands with my mom, I don’t get out much. That ordinarily wouldn’t bother me, except that now…it does.

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