I Should Be Happy…

Tuesday marked my last day of undergraduate classes. I am on track to graduate this month, and to walk in commencement next May. After seven years, three schools, and two majors, I’m finally going to get a bachelor’s degree. This is something I’ve been waiting for, something I didn’t think would happen since I had to drop out of the first university I went to. When I felt like a failure, I didn’t think I’d ever be in this position, much less in the wake of all the changes I’ve made since then.

And yet…I’m not happy.

Continue reading “I Should Be Happy…”

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Conclusion

I’m done

I’m done and should be happy

I’m done and should be happy but there is still empty

 

Shadows creep back in, embracing any good thing in sight

And hugs…hard. Tight. Unyielding. Unforgiving.

How dare you?

Why even try?

 

With the last stapled bunch, I end a chapter

In search of a book I’ve never known

A book that, for all I know, doesn’t even exist

I don’t know if I could write it

If that’s what it came to

 

There is no nostalgia

No relief

And if either existed for any length of time

The moment was brief

As if they never existed

Stars

I got carried away

One turned into many

Scraps of paper on my right

Shapes in my hands

 

An uncertain future?

Star.

A lack of hope?

Another star.

Existing in the in-between of meaningful and meaningless?

Yet another star.

 

It attracts and distracts

When the world is running faster

Something I can change

When my hands can’t hold much else

 

Alone, yet swarmed?

Star.

In darkness and light?

Another star.

Keeping muted screams in their place?

Yet another star.

Life Experiences: An Alcoholic Parent

Certain positions you’re in are able to teach lessons you never really wanted to learn.

Case in point: Being the child of an alcoholic parent.

When you have a parent who is an alcoholic, there are a lot of hushed words that are never cleared up. Direct communication is waived as a way to avoid conflict, which could actually help the situation if used correctly. Hurt feelings go without elaboration, and wounds become scars that somehow break and fester in the wake of new offenses. It’s tough when the other parent is not alcoholic, because they have had to struggle with this experience years before you were even thought of. You may refuse alcohol, becauseΒ what if I turn out like them?

Continue reading “Life Experiences: An Alcoholic Parent”

Trump is An American Problem

Make no mistake. Even if you think you personally don’t have anything to lose under this farce of a presidency, let me make myself perfectly clear: You are still losing. Why? An essential American ideal is unity. We are a country full of diverse people, but the goal is to still come together for the common cause of humanity—the ability to be human, and exercise our rights to that end. Many people are saying that Trump has been successful in unifying this country in that he has united millions of people in their hatred of him. However, this is just the start.

We are unified in our hate for a man who despite insulting and assaulting other human beings, managed to get voted into the White House via the electoral college. The popular vote was not on his side, and now a bed has been made that we do not want to sleep in. Even people who voted for this man are begging him on social media to not do away with programs and legislation that they need in order to survive. They are just now realizing what a lot of people already knew, and who now see our fears played out before our eyes—a Trump presidency is likely to mean an end to an era in which we saw legislation and attitudes change to accommodate the human condition, to realize the fact that rights are not privileges.

Your neighbor may stand to lose something because of President Trump.

A friend of a friend of a friend may lose something because of him.

An entire group of people may be disenfranchised and ignored because of him.

Even if you don’t personally know someone who stands to lose something in the next four years (granted, if he doesn’t get impeached first), you still lose something. If one American citizen, one group of Americans, one individual or group of individuals who want to become citizens of this country lose because of this president, you also lose under the principle of unity. We stand with our fellow human beings, and to watch one fall and believe that doesn’t affect us to ignore something innate and true within us.

We forsake our empathy.

So feel, kneel, and lend a hand. Are you furious? Raise your voice and make a spectacle on behalf of your fellow Americans. Are you curious? Do extensive research and be prepared to face people who will call your findings “alternative facts.” Are you concerned? Find ways you can help people in your community and at large. This way, it will be seen that efforts are being made to help instead of harm.

We do not have to be our president.

We do not have to trust him blindly.

We do not have to hang our heads and accept the atrocities that are soon to come.

We do not have to do nothing and be enveloped in our hopelessness, our anger, and our fears.

We have a vehicle for change, so let’s drive it. Let’s peacefully protest and boycott, sign petitions and write on platforms to get our point(s) across. Let’s make it to where we cannot be ignored, because we will not be ignored.

This is America, and we are Americans. Trump is an American problem. Therefore, let’s do a lot of things now before he becomes a global catastrophe.