Why My Brain Sucks 8

In a post from last year, titled “I Should Be Happy,” I talked about finishing my undergraduate education and not feeling the familiar giddiness of reaching a goal–of a job well done. I’m here to tell you that feeling has not gone away.

In fact, it’s only gotten worse.

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Why My Brain Sucks 7

In the trash heap I call my room, I examine my options and possibilities.

The new year has arrived, and it doesn’t seem like a whole lot has changed. I would be naive to think everything would instantly change once the ball dropped, so trust me, that isn’t my mindset. Over time, though, it seems there has been a cushion period between the end of one year and a few days into the next year. In that period, people execute the beginnings of their resolutions and are still trying to figure stuff out. After this period, the new crazy starts to come out, and the year is in full swing.

Well, crazy came early, and that’s why my brain sucks.

Continue reading “Why My Brain Sucks 7”

I Should Be Happy…

Tuesday marked my last day of undergraduate classes. I am on track to graduate this month, and to walk in commencement next May. After seven years, three schools, and two majors, I’m finally going to get a bachelor’s degree. This is something I’ve been waiting for, something I didn’t think would happen since I had to drop out of the first university I went to. When I felt like a failure, I didn’t think I’d ever be in this position, much less in the wake of all the changes I’ve made since then.

And yet…I’m not happy.

Continue reading “I Should Be Happy…”

Conclusion

I’m done

I’m done and should be happy

I’m done and should be happy but there is still empty

 

Shadows creep back in, embracing any good thing in sight

And hugs…hard. Tight. Unyielding. Unforgiving.

How dare you?

Why even try?

 

With the last stapled bunch, I end a chapter

In search of a book I’ve never known

A book that, for all I know, doesn’t even exist

I don’t know if I could write it

If that’s what it came to

 

There is no nostalgia

No relief

And if either existed for any length of time

The moment was brief

As if they never existed