Bright Mornings Giving Way to Exhaustion

After an eternity of hiding under a proverbial rock, I finally started listening to the soundtrack for Hamilton last night. I was trying to create motivation out of thin air, to take an outline to a full-fledged paper, but music worked so much better. I finished the first act last night, and started listening to the second act on the bus this morning. Although there are the songs that are less about the forming of this country in this act, and more about the heartbreak of things ending too early, I felt that special energy I have always felt when I’ve listened to a wonderful musical soundtrack. It made me smile on the bus, and no one else knew why. It was wonderful.

When I sat down in class this morning, I was still running off of that high. The bus’s WiFi had cut out in the middle of “It’s Quiet Uptown,” and I wanted to keep on listening, but that could come after class. Also, the listening could resume after working on yet another paper, due tomorrow…which, as a matter of fact, I’m procrastinating by writing this blog.

I write here instead of within the doc for my paper, however, because my mind is dead. I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced a caffeine crash, but if this is what it feels like, it absolutely sucks. I had a day like this just last week—I couldn’t focus, couldn’t concentrate on academia if my life depended on it. I went to lunch earlier than usual because my brain had nothing to give. Even now, there are more than ten sources I must look through and whittle down, then form an outline so I have some idea of how this paper should flow. The rest of my body may have gotten out bed this morning, but it doesn’t feel like my head did. With that in mind, I suppose my musical high was artifice, fooling me into thinking I could be an effective student today.

I need a nap, but I also need something else. The annoying part of it all is, I’m not sure what this mysterious¬†something else is. Moreover, my mind doesn’t care to consider the possibilities of what it could be. All I know is that I’m hungry, limited on time to complete this week’s work while also having to face the due dates of next week—basically, this feels like some version of sleepwalking I really want to snap out of.


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