I’ve just woken up from my nap. I went to sleep sometime after four, and it’s now just after eight in the evening. No one else is asleep, but my bedroom door is closed. Until my mother comes in to tell me that dinner is ready, I am able to enjoy this time by myself.
While not quite the same, over the summertime I had the joy of experiencing being the only one awake in the whole house. I felt so creative, sitting in the silence of my room, effectively cut off from the rest of the world. While everyone else slept, stories were born and ideas took their first steps. Friendships were made and solidified. I discovered new and exciting ways to look at the world, without having to worry about being interrupted. All I had to do was maintain some modicum of quiet, so as to not disturb the resting. It felt perfect.
Since I’m back at university, there are very rare late nights when I can indulge myself in this way. I’ve had to trade the ritual for going to sleep earlier, in order to wake up earlier, so I can begin another busy day. That’s why, right now, I’m choosing to stay in my room until dinner is ready. There is very little noise outside my bedroom door, where the living room awaits. The only sounds I hear are those of the wind gusting outside, my ceiling fan spinning, and the keys on my keyboard being tapped as I write.
I know that, for some people, these silent times can be intimidating. Such times can bully us into smaller versions of ourselves, pointing out how microscopic we are in the “grand scheme of things,” highlighting the flaws we think about but never discuss, even just giving us too much time to think about the dark and dishonorable things of this world. However, I always try to keep pure these times I enjoy. Yes, the world can be a nasty place, there is no denying it. Every day, atrocities occur that I wish I could directly fix with my own two hands. The saddening truth is that, with many of these tragedies of life, I cannot do thing…or can I?
I said earlier that these precious moments to myself inspire art and thorough thinking. Although my hands cannot bring comfort to the wounded—be the pain physical and/or mental—, my mind can spur my fingers to create. That is part of why I want to be a content creator online. By publishing posts like these, as well as videos, for the world to see, I hope to reach out to at least one person a day and assure them that they are not alone. You may have views about yourself which do you no justice. You may peg yourself as any number of descriptors that decrease your worth and beauty.
Through what I type and film, I want to assure you that, in you, is a world so many people wish to travel to. Some may enjoy themselves so much, they choose to make a home with you. While there are certainly people in our lives who seem to only swing by every now and again, often leaving us high and dry of something we seek, there will always be more dedicated individuals. These individuals will bring their world to meet yours and, perhaps through time and nurturing, you can have the chance to create a unique middle-world that the both of you can share.
Most of all, I want you to realize something, whether you hear it in moments of silence or in chaotic noise. No matter how many times we fall, we can always get back up. If for some reason we can’t pull ourselves up alone, look for the offered hands and open arms—they are there, trust me.
We are stumbling through life, but we will always rise to stand.